


Untitled (Dean - meta related to his scenes w Ellie, 8.14)

by ceirdwenfc



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Meta, Other, Season 8 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 09:37:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceirdwenfc/pseuds/ceirdwenfc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Destiel, Purgatory vs. Hell, Dean headspace,</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled (Dean - meta related to his scenes w Ellie, 8.14)

(Note: This is more Destiel than an analysis of Purgatory and Hell, although that’s there too.)

Tumblr has exploded starting two weeks ago and again last night, with the two newest episodes of Supernatural, Everybody Hates Hitler and Trial and Error, and how Dean has reacted to the two come-ons he’s gotten. Granted, Aaron was a ploy rather than a play, but Dean didn’t know that. With Aaron, I think it could go either way and I’m not convinced that his reaction proves his bisexuality.

Dean has a suspicious mind – he’s been a hunter his entire life. He sees Aaron following him around campus, and then actually making eye contact in the bar. He’s expecting some kind of confrontation, not a pick up line. He’s surprised. He’s flustered. I’m sure he’s flattered. Dean knows that women find him attractive; when men do it, he doesn’t know how to react.

In the scene with Ellie, a lot is being made of his words: “I can’t,” but I think it’s important to watch his reaction to her. He’s reluctantly turning her down. He clearly finds her attractive, but he can’t. There can be several reasons why he can’t – he’s on the job; Sam’s relying on him; and the one that Tumblr seems to all agree on: he’s in love with Castiel.

I think his feelings for Castiel are partly why he doesn’t sleep with Ellie, but I don’t think that’s the most prominent one on his mind. If there was more time, when he found out why she wants to sleep with him, it crosses his mind that he should honor what is really her last request. It’s not like it’d be hard on him, and his face and eyebrows raised tells us it’s exactly what he would have done (and should have done when the hellhounds came for him, but I think he thought he’d get out of that one like he always did).

As for Castiel, for one thing, he has yet to admit, consciously, to himself that he is in love with Castiel, and not only in love with him, but enough to have a relationship and a future together. There are a lot of barriers to this kind of relationship that his father put into place. For a long time, everything Dean did was because John told him to or because he wanted to please John. His entire world from the time he was four years old has been Dad is always right and must protect Sammy whatever the cost. Including the cost to himself.

Not only doesn’t he have time for himself and his feelings, he definitely doesn’t have time for an intense relationship with a man, who is really a vessel with an angel contained inside, a fucking angel, how do you even have a relationship with that, and he’s a man, that’s uh different, something he’s probably never seen in any light, let alone a positive light.

I do think that Dean is in love with Castiel, but I also don’t believe that Dean is bisexual, and that’s not a reference to Cas’ agendered status. When Dean interacts with Cas, his mind accepts Cas as physically Jimmy. He’s not in love with Jimmy even though Jimmy’s vessel is exactly what Dean would be having a physical relationship with most of the time.

When he catches Cas looking at him, when Cas touches him, when Cas is close enough that Dean feels his breath – all of these acts come from Jimmy’s vessel and Dean reacts to them, subtly, but strongly.

In fact, when Jimmy Novak was himself again, Dean’s reactions were very different than when Castiel inhabited his vessel.

The point I’m trying to make with way too many words is that it doesn’t matter what vessel Castiel the Angel of the Lord inhabits. It is that soul who Dean is in love with. He is used to him being a man, and he is always referred to in a masculine way even by other angels who primarily do not interact with this vessel.

There was a lot more going on with Ellie than whether or not Dean is in love with Castiel. For one thing, they don’t have an actual romantic relationship yet. The only time we’ve seen Dean in a committed, monogamous relationship was with Lisa. (As an aside, I don’t know why people are all up in arms at Domestic!Dean. When he’s not hunting or hiding, he’s very domestic. He spent a year as a family man, and really did enjoy it until Sam came back and then he stopped.)

Dean, or rather Jensen is a phenomenal non-verbal actor. That’s what makes this scene so brilliant. He’s not turning her down because of Cas. I’m sure that’s a part of it. When we last saw Cas, he was going to Heaven with Samandriel. In that last meeting, Dean knew immediately that something was wrong. I wouldn’t be surprised if Cas was trying to let him know that something was wrong. He was too cool and detached which was different from his lack of people skills and detached lack of empathy that he usually exhibits.

Another part of Dean wants to sleep with Ellie. She’s beautiful. He definitely gets that initial urge, but even that reflex was hesitant. Yes, he’s on a job. There’s a hellhound on the prowl. He’s not fucking anyone. Not only doesn’t he have that kind of time, it’s completely irresponsible, and if one word could be used to describe Dean, it’s responsible.

The third thing that I think is important, and I’m not sure many people have commented on it, but he’s not the same person who went into Purgatory.

I think a lot of people (and not just Supernatural viewers) think of Purgatory as the waiting room for Hell, and while there is much overlap, without getting into Judeo-Christian mythos, Supernatural mythos clearly distinguishes between the two.

We’ve only been given glimpses of what Dean went through in Hell, and one would think that was the worst thing to happen to him, but Hell wasn’t the worst thing. That’s because Dean had an idea of what to expect in Hell. It was going to be, well, Hell. He expected it to suck, and it sucked. Big time. He was tortured, and he was ripped to shreds over and over again. Alistair made him his pet project, and after a while Dean relented and became the torturer.

He also never expected to leave there.

After a while, he accepted Hell. Hell is also symbolically, stereotypically Hedonistic and let’s face it, Dean pre-purgatory is exactly that – no boundaries whatsoever to the point where half of his friends half the time want to smack him. His snark, his drinking, I mean he’s practically drunk all the time – he traded water for whisky after a while, he drives too fast, listens to music too loud, has sex with any woman he wanted, sometimes when he wasn’t even looking for sex – he’d just shrug and have a what the hell attitude.

He resigned himself to eternity there; as long as he held some kind of consciousness, he would be in Hell. Once he resigned himself to it, he became the torturer because it was a better half-life than being the one on the rack and torn apart day after day. I think if he thought he’d see Sammy again, he would have stuck it out longer, but the reality is that he gave up hope when the hellhound took its first bite.

When Castiel lifted him up, he fought back. That’s why the handprints are so prominent. I think Dean could feel the imprint. The heat was probably still on his skin. Better the Devil you know indeed. He didn’t know what kind of creature Castiel was. He didn’t believe in angels – he very clearly stated that early on – I think the episode was Houses of the Holy. All he could think was that something, some big bad was trying to take him down and he wasn’t going down without a fight; he’d earned whatever he had down there.

Dean still had to claw his way up through the dirt, and then Cas tried to talk to him, but of course, we, and Dean, didn’t know that. We saw the glass breaking, mirrors shattering at the gas station and the motel. He didn’t go blind like Pamela, but we can determine that was because Cas was reaching out to Dean and not being unwillingly summoned.

Immediately in the barn with Bobby, Dean knows that Castiel isn’t there to hurt him. He gently knocks Bobby out, not remotely trying to hurt him. He doesn’t hurt Dean after being shot and stabbed, something I’m sure Jimmy didn’t appreciate happening to his body.

“I gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition.”

“I am an Angel of the Lord.”

The first thing Dean does is call him, “Buddy,” and in a snarky way tells him his volume was too loud: “dial it down.”

From the moment they meet, there is some kind of connection. Even though Dean only wanted answers, there was more and you could see that he recognized that on his face.

Castiel looked like he was wondering what he was doing there also. He was an Angel of the Lord. He says it, not as a job description, but so that you will know that magnitude that he is, and yet, he has come to Earth to explain to Dean, to this man why he brought him back and even Cas wonders why he’s there.

And every time, they met after that, there is an undercurrent of foreshadowing, I don’t want to call it sexual tension, I don’t think it is that, but it’s something tangible, something primitive, instinctual that forms or that’s been between them from the moment that Castiel grabbed Dean’s shoulders and heaved him up from Hell.

This Dean had been to Hell and back. He was harder, angrier, a little meaner.

On the other hand, Purgatory changed him – much more so than Hell. Purgatory was different.

I think that knowing he was in the blast zone, Dean didn’t expect to survive getting blown by Dick. Simply, he expected to die. He may have thought he was returning to Hell, and that was okay. He knew Hell. He could handle Hell. Hell, they probably had his old job waiting for him.

Hell was wishful thinking.

Purgatory was the real Hell. Purgatory was more about survival – it was much more pure – easy to find your priorities and your soul. There was never a thought in his mind that he would stay there. He was getting out. And he didn’t care how many of whatever the fuck was down there he’d have to kill or maim or mutilate, but he was not staying in this fuckhole.

And damn Cas for leaving him here because nighttime in Purgatory makes a four year old’s nightmares, which includes his mother pinned to the ceiling on fire, seem tame.

And when he killed his first something that first night, he knew he was fucked.

So he prioritized, and he planned for the day that he got out of Purgatory. There was never a doubt that he would get out because he would do whatever he needed to do to get out. He’d find Cas first, he couldn’t stay mad at him for long, but he’d get them both out.

Once he and Benny found each other, it became so much easier. Of course that was on a scale of Easy being suck x500 and Hard being suck x 1000. But at least he had someone he trusted who had his back, and who gave a fuck if he was a vampire. Dean for sure didn't. This wasn’t the world where vampires were the most dangerous thing. Vampires were tame compared to what was out there, and he had someone to watch his back.

Purgatory prioritized Dean’s life. It’s also a bitch and a half to quit everything cold turkey, but he did. Getting back, he’s not the hard drinker that he once was.  He’s not chasing everything in a skirt. He knows what tomatoes are (other than the main ingredient in ketchup).

Dean is a thinker.

I do think that there is a lead up to a more in depth relationship with Castiel, and honestly that is the ship that I sail. Ideally, I’d like to see it brought up and possibly dropped. Neither one of them is a great communicator. It will probably be up to Sam and Kevin to spell it out for the two of them.

And Dean will actually need time to get used to the idea that it’s okay to love Castiel and to have that kind of relationship with him. I don’t think he’s homophobic, but I’m not sure that he’s bisexual either. He’s not attracted to men; he’s attracted to Castiel.

If you put plain old Jimmy Novak in a room with Casey that demon from the bar, Dean would choose Casey. Castiel’s a different story.

Getting back and losing Cas was a lot to take. You saw him when he thought he was seeing Cas – he thought he was hallucinating. However, they have a connection, and I think that Naomi is going to find out how strong it really is as she underestimates it.

Dean won’t lose him again.


End file.
